The Closet Dimension

Overview: The Closet Dimension (CD) is a parallel universe filled with vast quantities of refuse, junk, and left socks. This universe is also home to numerous creatures; benevolent and malign. Portals to the CD occur naturally wherever a quantity of junk is contained in a, relatively, compact space. This high concentration of junk induces a localized warping of space time (not dissimilar to the warping caused by large masses, gravity), and opens a rift to the CD. Though anchored in our dimension, the rift's other end roves the CD at apparent random. This roving can be controlled by an act of subconscious will, however. If you reach through a rift to the CD and expect to find something on the other side you will likely find it. Eventually.

Portals: Portals to the Closet Dimension commonly form in closets (duh), in backpacks, under the bed, and in junk drawers. It is noteworthy that different portals have different properties. For instance junk drawer portals will eventually transform their vessel (usually a dresser) into a wardrobe. The reason for this is unknown. Different portals also have varying degrees of responsiveness to subconscious acts of will. When you look for something in a junk drawer (or wardrobe) you will find it easily. Closets, the area under the bed, and backpacks are not usually quite so responsive. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule. It has been proposed that the portals may have some unknown connection to the deepspots (q.v.). It is unknown whether they are the immature and mature stages of the same creature (plant?).

Gravity: Gravity has little bearing in the Closet Dimension, as people tend to adhere to whichever tunnel or cavern wall they personally find most acceptable. It is not uncommon to encounter others walking on (what you take to be) the ceiling or wall; what you think of as a pillar may be used as a bridge by others. This effect can be rather disorienting to first time visitors here. The CD has no true gravity, but it does have an odd quasi-gravitational field which causes objects of similar natures to gather together at locations called nodes. Thus there are caverns and tunnels composed entirely of sporting goods, or of old sweaters, or of wrist watches. An object dropped in the CD will fall (at a constant velocity of p (3.1415...) meters per second) towards the nearest relevant node (nodes). Nodes of the same type do not interfere with each other, however nodes of different types will interfere with each other. For example: a dropped baseball bat would fall towards the nearest sports-node, and a dropped watch will fall towards the nearest clocks-node; if you drop a gold tennis racket, though, it wall directly towards a point equidistant between the nearest sports-node and the nearest valuables-node. Nodes only come into act on object not in touch with a creature, anything held, worn, or carried is not affected by nodes at all.

There are several known varieties of animal life in the CD It is believed that some form of plant life must exist in the deep wilds; but only two forms have ever been found, and one of these is quite toxic to denizens of the CD. There are also believed to be many other fell creatures in the depths of the CD's dark and twisting tunnels.

Closet Monsters -- are one of the most common species encountered. These beings come in a wide variety of forms, leading researchers to believe that they possess very plastic DNA. Closet monsters are generally considered to be the rulers of the CD but this rulership is not undisputed and the giant albino wolf-spiders (q.v.) may take issue with that opinion. Closet monsters also serves as the keepers of the deepspots (q.v.).

Closet Trolls -- are one of the most rarely seen species encountered in the broad expanses of the Closet Dimension. The origin of these creatures has been lost to the mists of closet time; it has, however, been speculated that they may be related to gnomes. Like gnomes, closet trolls are below three feet in height and are often seen wearing rightly-colored, pointy hats. They have large, pointed ears and big noses. Closet Troll hands possess only three-fingers and a thumb, which makes them an oddity amongst most humanoid races. Closet Trolls, although rarely seen, are omnipresent throughout the closet dimension; for they are masters of disguise and camouflage. Often you can be looking right at one and not realize it, luckily they are rarely belligerent. Amongst these trolls there are no social classes, all are equal -- except for their never seen Boss who rules them with an iron-fist. Closet Trolls run to and fro collecting all manor of objects, almost always of some value. Odds are that if you've lost something of sentimental or monetary value, amongst your piles of junk, it has found its way into the pockets of a Closet Troll.

Deepspots -- are the creatures responsible for the lion's share of unexplained disappearances in the world. Deepspots are utterly invisible and undetectable. These creatures generally stay in the deep wilds of the CD and subsist primarily on human refuse and left socks. Unfortunately, however, when people clean their closets they deprive these entities of their food supply. Thus, forcing the closet monsters (q.v.) to turn the deepspots loose to fend for themselves. Deepspots roam aimlessly at ground level sucking whatever happens to be above them into oblivion. It is unknown what happens to those swallowed by deepspots, as no one has ever returned. The only known defense against a deepspot is a magic pencil (q.v.).

Dust Bunnies -- are small bunnies made entirely out of dust. They unfortunately yield large electrical shocks too any who get too close. Small wounds dealt to them are instantly healed. When cut apart and scattered, each fragment becomes a new dust bunny. The only way which has ever been found to destroy these cute creatures is to disrupt the field of static electricity which holds them together, a feat which is usually accomplished by a healthy dousing with water. Dust bunnies feed on the electrically charged dust found throughout the CD, and have never been observed to drink anything.

Dust Rhinos -- are a unique variety of dust bunnies (q.v.). When a colony of dust bunnies grows exceptionally large (500-1000 members) they will often merge their biostatic fields and form into a large rhino shaped entity. The electric shock received from touching a rhino is, unfortunately, usually fatal. Dust Rhinos are more troublesome (and dangerous) than their smaller cousins and require a much greater quantity of water to completely destroy. However, when chopped into itty-bitty pieces, the chunks form into dust bunnies, not more rhinos.

Giant Albino Wolf-spiders ('Gaws' for short) -- are a fierce race of gigantic-white wolf-spiders. The average warrior is roughly ten-feet in diameter, and quite intelligent. It is only the closet monsters' (q.v.) control of the deepspots (q.v.) which prevents the CD from being overrun by wolf-spiders. The wolf-spiders have a hive like society, quite like that of bees. There is only one known queen, she measures nearly one hundred and fifty feet in diameter (not including legs). It is generally better to negotiate with these beings, as only the fiercest human warrior would stand a chance in combat. Fortunately, the wolf-spiders don't view humans as being particularly tasty (they will eat humans in a pinch, however).

Junk Dragons (Draco juncus) -- are an offshoot of the noble dragon stock found on many worlds, including our own. Members of this species tend to be more individualized than the members of the other draconic species. They do, however, bear certain key features in common. All junk dragons range from two to fifteen feet in length, plus a tale of one to ten feet. Junk dragons almost always lack wings (barring those few who live near the rare areas of the CD with caverns open enough to allow room for flight), and usually have six legs (again excepting the most rare winged variety). This variety of dragons is utterly atrocious at all known forms of magic; and projects a controlled static discharge from it's mouth -- like the worldly noble dragons use fire. It should be noted that draco juncus -- although less powerful than many of its other relatives -- is completely a creature of the CD. It combines an innate knowledge of the CD's gravity, sinuous form, razor sharp teeth and claws, and tremendous speed to devastating effect. The junk dragon is not a creature to be trifled with. Fortunately they remain quite rare in the explored regions of the CD.

Magic Pencils -- are the only flora yet found that is believed to be truly native to the CD. Magic pencils are perfectly normal pencils who possess either a blue, a green, or a purple eraser; or which has an eraser the same color as the pencil itself. Bearers of these objects are immune to deepspots (q.v.), and can detect their presence. Magic pencils also confer a control over closet monsters (q.v.). Magic pencils are also quite toxic to all known forms of animal life native to the CD. It has been proposed that the original magic pencils were the variety with green, blue, and purple erasers. The other variety are a recently developed mutant strain of this species; as are mundane pencils (a weak and sterile strain to be sure).

Packrats -- are an interesting species in that they evolved in the CD, yet were expelled by some unknown means. The reason for their hoarding behavior is an attempt to both recreate their native environment, and open a portal to it. It is not known how (or why) these innocuous creatures were banished, but it is believed to have been done by either the closet monsters (q.v.) or the wolf-spiders (q.v.). It is also of interest to note that the packrats have apparently experienced zero success in their endeavor to return to the CD, often despite the fact that their hoards should be large enough to open a portal. It is believed that whatever force expelled them from the CD to begin with, continues to bar them entrance.

Socks -- are small cloth tubes, sewn shut at one end, used to warm ones feet. They are also the only known non-animal food source in the CD. Unfortunately they are quite rare. Due to their rarity, most authorities on the CD believe socks to have come from an extra-closet source. In fact they are only known to grow in one place out of the whole CD, Sock Place (q.v.). If socks but grew more places than this, the CD would be a much safer (if smellier) place to visit.

Woogans -- are the most benevolent denizens of the CD. Woogans feed upon the auras emitted by junk, and prefer to dwell near portals to our dimension. Woogans are invisible spirit entities, though they can inhabit physical forms made of rubber bands and bent paper clips if such are provided. When provided with a paper clip body, a woogan will bring good grades and good luck to he who carries the woogan's body with him (sort of like a fetish). Unfortunately wolf-spiders view these beings as delicacies.

There are many places within the CD. The map above names but a few, all of which are described, without much detail, in the space below. This is by no stretch of the imagination a complete listing of CD locations. It should also be noted that the map above shows only the approximate locations of these places, relative to each other. The map above also provides a distorted view of the CD's nature. The CD is not an open air dimension. There is no known surface world. The entirety of the known CD is a system of tunnels and mammoth caverns twisting throughout a solid mass of assorted junk. Walls, ceilings, pillars, and floors are all composed of the junk you find in your closet or under your bed.

The Backpack Downs -- are the region where most of the universe's backpack portals empty out. It is to this region that people reach whenever they place their hand in a backpack (or related item, like a purse). In short this entire region is full of trillions of small objects. This area is ever changing as entities remove objects from their bags, and place other objects into them. This region is also the primary home of the woogans (q.v.).

The Darken River -- flows from the gravitational node where partially drained beverage containers (soda cans, beer bottles, etc...) collect. It presumably flows towards a node which attracts all of the CD's liquids, but no one has ever found the end of the river -- or what it drains into -- despite frequent attempts. As can be expected the river is not entirely water and tastes like an odd hodge-podge of various liquids. On a side note, Darken River water is 9.3% alcohol, so it never spoils and no known life forms live within its depths (or its shallows).

The Deepen Veldt -- is a series of broad, dark plains, all within the same immense cavern. Few closet denizens are found in this area, for magic pencils grow in great abundance here. Most closet denizens find this place to be intolerable, and prefer not to venture within its sight. Travelers in the CD would be well advised to pitch camp here, as it is the safest place in the whole of this dimension. They would also be well warned to know that this is also one of the few regions where the winged junk dragons (q.v.) may be found. Fortunately the winged dragons have never been known to attack travelers, but there's always a first time.

The Delve of the Closet Monster King -- is a vast, rugged canyon where the closet monsters (q.v.) reign supreme. It is in this valley, along the shore of the Darken River (q.v.), that the king of the closet monsters holds court, from his titanic throne. This is the nerve center of all closet monster activities. It is from here that they coordinate their occasional raids on other worlds and their shepherding of the dread deepspots (q.v.).

The Portals of the Underbed -- comprise a vast region near the Spider Dens (q.v.) where the portals from the undersides of the multiverse's beds converge to form a subdimension of the CD known as the Underbed. There are many craggy tunnels and hidden caverns within this region. There are also immense piles of junk, slowly amassed over the aeons since the CD's inception. If one digs far enough, one may even find relics of the closet monsters (q.v) who once dwelled here. Before the wolf-spiders drove them off, and claimed the Underbed as their own. Excepting the Backpack Downs (q.v.), this region has the highest woogan (q.v.) population in the known CD.

Sock Place -- is the home of an unknown human woman who has taken it upon herself to farm socks (q.v.). This is a small farm located in the valley between the only two mountains known to exist in the CD, Roundcap and Pointop. This woman's purpose is to prevent the Closet Monsters (q.v.) from invading other worlds, by providing them with a ready food supply. Her reasons for doing this are, like her name, unknown. It is believed that she is, however, from our world.

The Spider Dens -- are closely adjacent to the Underbed, which the spiders took from the closet monsters (q.v.) in aeons past. It is here in these black, dismal caverns that the wolf-spiders (q.v.) make their home. It is here that their immense queen lives, laying eggs around the clock. The Spider Dens are the center of all wolf-spider activities in any of the multiverse's many worlds.

The Troll Mines -- lie between the Delve and the Dens, and have at times served as the buffer zone (and neutral meeting ground) between (for) the Closet Monsters (q.v.) and the Gaws (q.v.). The mines are the center of all Closet Troll activity in the CD, and they also serve as the home of the elusive Boss of the Closet Trolls. The mines are located in the region of the closet dimension towards which valuable objects tend to sink, and many semi-valuable objects can be found here. Beware, though, no matter how deserted a corridor or chamber may appear, there are -- almost without exception -- several trollish sentries hidden nearby.